Oh, How I Loath the 5 Cent Coin.

I have an immense distaste for the 5 cent coin. It is the most pointless/useless coin ever devised by Australia*. It simply should not exist.** For starters, they are a complete and utter pain in the ass. They’re so small. But why? Who the hell knows. I get that they’re worth less so have to therefore be smaller, but why so small? And most people dont use then to buy goods. I’m sure you have about 500 lying around your house***. So, here’s the situation: you’re stuck with piles and piles of 5 cent coins around your house. But why do you need them? Stupid government.

5 Cents of Pain/Frustration.

You know when people find money on the ground and exclaim, “Oh look, it’s a 5 cent coin!”? There’s a good reason for that. People throw them away. That is how useless the dreaded 5 cent coin is. I would rather swallow it opposed to keeping it. Yes, you heard (read?) me correctly. I would rather have that little coin floating around in my colon****, opposed to my wallet. I would risk the poisoning if there is such a risk*****.

On second thoughts, I don’t even consider the 5 cent a coin. In my eyes, it is just a little piece of shrapnel which has one sole purpose: to piss me off.

So, fellow readers, here is my quest. I will, with my enormous power set out to rid the country of Australia of the dreaded 5 cent coin******. Help me if you want to. I’ll be back soon, I’m going to pick up a metal detector, a magnet and one LARGE bucket. It’s time to kick some arse: coin style*******.

EDIT: It has come to my attention (thanks to Wikipedia) that 5 cent coins are worth 6.5 cents in metal. Here’s what I propose: let’s melt down the coins I “save” Australian citizens from, and sell this metal on the black market. There’s good profit to be made in this.

The Old Footnotes

* Yes, I am aware we had a 1 cent coin. AND WE ABOLISHED IT. See a pattern?

** No, this is my bad. They are useful for one thing: buying awful tasting lollies. The kind of ones that taste like…well…I don’t know. But it’s pretty bad.

*** And approximately 84% of these are from our good friends, McDonalds.

**** It could fight with all the other foreign objects floating in there.

***** I’m not really sure. Is there such a risk? I hope not…

****** And to think, in South Australia you get 5 cents for recycling. It’s like giving Mother Earth a big hug, then her turning around and giving you one HARD kick to the balls.

******* You know, like Mario. Except without the overalls and the moustache.

Ah, The Milk Order Ladies.

I’m highly embarrassed to admit this, but at work I get a little bored. Many of the days I close the shop of Big Dad’s Pies (You shutup now), I have to be what is called a “milk order.” What this involves is ringing some place known as Charmlaw, and place an order of assorted milk according to what milk stock that is left in the fridge. This is your Breakers, Ice Breaks etc. It is of a high inconvience to me. It annoys me to a great degree*. But, what I do enjoy is the phone call to Charmlaw**.

The main reason for this is that on the other end are woman, which always respond with “Hello, Welcome to Charmlaw,” or something to that effect. Why I enjoy it is because they have such pleasant voices, obviously because they are in customer service, so they have to have nice voices***. So, there I am, I hang up the phone. And want to take a guess what I think about. Here’s the age old question.

Are those Women good looking? I’m just so curious****. I really would like to know what a few of these women look like. So, tell me what you think. A more broad question related to you could be: Is a girl with a nice voice a higher chance of being good looking?

Here’s the most shameful part: As I read out what milk I’m ordering, these girls preceed to repeat the word “Yes.” And one of them says it in a particular way I nearly burst out laughing as she keeps saying “Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.” I know, highly immature. I apologize.

- William the IV (That’s for another post.)

Footnotes

* Even though I’m getting pretty good at it.

** Or, in most cases, they phone me because I’ve forgotten to get it ready. I then respond with the old “Can I call you back in 10 minutes?”

*** Very occasionally I will get a woman who is highly unpleasant to me. Luckily, majority of the women employed at Charmlaw are highly skilled in customer service. So they’re nice.

**** No, I don’t want to meet them*****. I’m not interested in these mid 20 year old’s, I’m just intrigued.

***** You disturbed person.

Lollipop, Lollipop, Oh Lolli-Lolli-Lolli-Lollipop.

Evening people,

Earlier this evening I was listening to a song which is named “Lollipop” by Bew Kweller (This version is in fact a cover and the song was originally recorded in the 50’s) and as a listened to this song it got me thinking: What on Earth do these lyrics mean? Why is the singer calling his possible partner a lollipop? Is there some form of a comparison to be made between the two? I asked Claire who knows the song quite well and she couldn’t give me an answer either. So, what do you think? Claire was suggesting sick things to me (yes, I know for a fact you are thinking exactly the same way. Don’t act like you’re not.) And while I could very well be inclined to believe that, I don’t think so (people in the 50’s didn’t think that way). I think the meaning is a lot more simpler. Probably implying that this girl is sweet, I guess.  Let me know your thoughts.

-Will

This is How I sleep at Night.

Throughout my life, no matter what happens, I will always have this title. It is something which can, and will never be taken away from me. I cherish it. At least I did when I got it 5 years ago. It was put onto the fridge. Here it is for your viewing pleasure.

My amazing award from Grade 7.

I guess you can see why I’m pretty proud of it. It’s such an amazing award. I wish I have given an Oscar-like speech when I received it. I can picture myself doing it. Ah well, I lost my chance. At a later date, folks.

-Will

The Epic 3rd and FINAL Antz Adventures Comic. Hold your Breath.

It’s the day my blog readers have been waiting for. Both of you*. The final** Antz Adventures comic is here. It’s so incredibly epic it is not even funny***. I won’t give away any spoilers****, but let me confirm to you before you even read that you will be blown away. Here they are, folks*****.

Page 1 of the Third Comic.

Page 2 of the Third Comic.

There you have it, readers. The trilogy is complete. What did you think? Did it blow you away? Tell me what you thought in my comments section. Or just tell me in person. You are the people I force to read this rubbish. Thanks.

-Will (Who else would it be?)

Footnotes

* I am not actually 100% sure that 2 people read my blog. I just can’t be certain.

** I did try to draw a final comic that concerned aliens. However, the pressure of grade 5 got to me, and I buckled.

*** It is kind of funny.

**** There isn’t much to spoil.

***** I really like footnotes. Thank you for reading this final one. It is dedicated to you.

People Disgust Me.

So I’m at Strathpine shopping centre last week (what a surprise I heard this there) and I overhear a conversation whilst I am using an ATM. It went a little something like this:

“If I’m having twins I’m not gonna stop smokin’. I’m tellin’ ya, I won’t. I didn’t stop smoking during (insert trashy name here)’s pregnancy and look at her. She turned out fine. A little hyperactive though.”

Am I surprised? Not particularly, but it disgusts me that despite all the warnings smokers receive about it harming an unborn child, they don’t change. And don’t even think they should. Yet if the baby already has a nicotine addiction or brain damage when it/they’re born, I’m sure they won’t regret not smoking. Anyway.

-Will

It’s Nine in the afternoon…And I’m watching a great deal of poon?

I hear that damn song way too much. And I’m afraid to admit I don’t mind it. That’s not to say I like it, and that’s why I’m here to bitch. I don’t like Panic! at the Disco. At All. The exclamation mark is just too pretentious and idiotic in my opinion, and I don’t like their music. However, listening to “Nine in the Afternoon,” certain things piss me off when I don’t have a huge problem with the music. So I singled out the lyrics. And how lazy they are. Before you ask what the hell I’m on about, think about it. Afternoon? Holy shit. Afternoon is the easiest word to rhyme with next to cat. Toon. Soon. Poon. Coon. Bassoon. Loon. Moon. The list is endless; I bet you could think of a few. And despite this, they lyrics still make no sense.

Excuse me Mr. (Emo lead singer of Crap Band A), no one can have eyes the size of a moon. It’s stupid. Because if they really are the size of the moon, she needs help. And don’t give me some BS about how they’re as big as the moon from Earth. It’s still a stupid line. There are plenty of other (possibly amusing) rhymes that could come from afternoon, such as the one in this title. To be honest, I am unaware of the lyrics past the first two lines of the chorus. But I’m sure they suck.

P.S: There is no such thing as Nine in the Afternoon. It doesn’t exist. If there are legitimate reasons for the use of all these phrases, someone tell me. Although I won’t listen. Because I bet the reasons are stupid. Also, THANK YOU JACKI! If it is the “Afternoon,” I highly doubt you would be able to see a moon to compare her eyes to! Stupid song!

The Re-opening.

Look I know I did this same spiel approximately 22 days ago, and I’m sorry if I am boring you repeating the same material. But it is the school holidays. Do you know what that means? It means that I have A LOT of time on my hands. Therefore, I shall blog away my thoughts and/or dreams. I will probably go on another large period of no posts so I’m not going to say I’m here to stay this time. You greedy little bastards. Be happy with what you’re getting. By the way, I’m not angry at you personally. I’m just so very very very disappointed. Work is an interesting place to come up with ideas on what to write about. So, again, I’m going to blow my load (Uh…) in one night. Hopefully I’ll have more things to write about in the near future.

-Will

I am Very Excited.

As you will not be aware (probably), an amazing event will hopefully occur. It’s brilliant. I cannot believe it’s happening. I honestly can’t. They are making an Arrested Development MOVIE!! It’s my dream come true. I’m so happy that I can barely contain myself. And of course, majority of the people I express such enthusiasm about the show to still refuse the watch it, or think it’s silly. I mean, COME ON! Please watch.

Even if it means taking a chubby, I will suck it up! I just want my kids back! Why don’t I just take a wizz through this 5 thousand dollar suit! Her? She’s really funny. Let’s hope so. Teach me, George Michael. Teach me the ways of the secular flesh! I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette. No pop pop doesn’t get a treat. I just brought you a F**king Pizza! Big Yellow Joint! There’s always money in the banana stand! I am having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich. I would like something that says “Dad Likes Leather!” Something that says “Leather Daddy?” Oh, is there such a thing? LOOSE SEAL. Obviously the blue on the map is land. The Seal is for marksmanship! How ARE you! What an adventure gang! Tobias’ fire sale audition. Anything Tobias does. Anything GOB says. I should be in this POOF! Mr F! Franklin! The Final Countdown! NO I MEAN IT, HE JUST CHOPPED OFF MY F**KING FINGERS! I tied with Bart Simpson and School Sucks.

I actually kept coming back and editing lines in. There’s just so many.

This is all the stuff you, as a non- viewer, miss out on. And I feel sorry for you. You should definitely watch the pilot episode. Let’s hope they actually make the movie. Because it’s all looking pretty official

- Will

Who Would like to see my slow Decent into Madness?

New Comic Time! This one is quite incoherent, looking back on it.

Page 1 of the Second Comic.

Page 2 of the Second Comic.

Yeah, to those who this doesn’t make sense to (all of you), I created a new Lego game when I was 10, called Falcon. The objective was to hit the ball into the head of the opposition, and was just me using a modified board of Lego Soccer, which is the greatest thing ever. I would like a new set. Because Lego Soccer is the shit.